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Life is Beautiful~

She loves me yeah, yeah yeah!

Stephanie Patrick, love of my life, I swear it.

She's wonderful, there's no other way to describe it!
Look! This journal's happy! Not Emo! yay 8D!

Anyways, I'll be doing a Germany cosplay at A-Kon.
She'll be Italy <3 I can't be happier!

25th Jul, 2008

So I'm pretty sure I haven't said this at all, but, Cassandra and I broke up a while ago. I really miss her sometimes sometimes I'm glad we broke up. I feel like Batman when Catwoman tells him it's not working out.
Not a good way to feel really.
Poor Bruce. It's okay, Robin still loves you.

I guess Mary's my Robin? I think she still loves me. Doesn't act like it? But then again she never really did. She still buys me anything I ask for (within reason), oh well.

Meanwhile, I've been busy lately as always. Working's sort of depressing me really, I feel saddened a lot. Sort of start crying for no particular reason.

In truth, I really, really hate it. I used to not cry at anything. The other day I cried because a I saw a picture of Batman holding Jason Todd's mangled body.
That totally would never have affected me a year ago...maybe an 'awwww'.

Anyways, I'm gunna go now. Have some stuff to do elsewhere.

There seems to be something foul in the air. Something...just dark and rotten.
I don't know what it is, I don't know why, but there seems to be a rather terrifying, something gruesome and cold sitting the corner of life right now. Not just mine, but in general. Suddenly a dark tint is on everything. Death is in the mind, my cousin, my grandmother; responsibility is becoming synonymous with disappointment. I can't tell what it is.
I hope it leaves soon.
I'd like to start my senior year on a good note.

My first Cig

Slurred Russian babbled from the TV as Viggo Mortensen just finished banging some poor Ukranian hooker. I looked around. I felt like shit, as was normal when I was up til 3 o’clock all alone in my room. Something about the night, old feelings, old thoughts and memories came to me. That’s how it always was nowadays though. Alone, in my room, some movie I only half cared to see what on, unless it was Fight Club in which case I was always up for seeing.
My father had just went to bed in a slurred drunken haze. He wasn’t always drunk, and he wasn’t a violent drunk, so I didn’t have much to complain about, but this had become a fact in my life: It was Friday night, my father was drunk. That was simply how it was.
But, feeling particularly crummy, my mind was no longer in it’s proper state. All my life, I was a proper anti-smoking advocate. I even went so far as to one summer destroying all my father’s cigarettes, which he didn’t appreciate in the least. But tonight, something was different.
I was sixteen, and as we all know, these tend to be the times of trials and tribulations, of learning what one likes and doesn’t, experimenting until one finds the formula of who makes them who they are.
I couldn’t drink, seeing as I wasn’t up to the task, and the fact that my father only stocked beer (which is possibly the most foul liquid on the face of the earth, right between RAID and CLOROX), things that would normally seem unappetizing had a sudden appeal.
They say the most common reason for teens doing stupid things is boredom. The proper answer is hormones I think. Or perhaps the human condition. But, whatever the reason, having a cig hang from my lips seemed like it might lighten my mood.
I stood from my computer chair, ignoring the well-dressed Viggo as I slowly trotted down stairs, not making a noise until I got to the kitchen counter where my father dropped all things from his pockets. I glanced around, and bingo; a lighter and a pack of cigarettes, Marlboro Lights. I picked it up, grasping one from the packet, I ran back to my room, lighter in hand. I closed my door tight, then went behind my computer desk and opened the window.
Slowly, I put the cigarette between my lips and flickered on the lighter, putting it to the tip of the cig and gently breathing in. I sat the lighter down and just watched the smoke flicker away from the cigarette and out the window.
Gently, I sat it back between my lips and inhaled slowly, a small amount before pulling it away and releasing the inhaled smoke. I felt no different, not better, but not worse. So, I continued smoking. I even tried the exhaling through the nose (which was cool when looking in the mirror, but left a slight burning sensation in my throat). Soon, the cigarette was coming near the filter and I decided I had enough. There was a small glass bottle open near the window sill, so I put the cigarette out in there and closed the window.
Sitting back into my seat for a moment, I could still feel the burning in the back of my throat. I spoke to myself a bit, repeating Viggo’s Russian accented words to make sure my voice hadn’t changed, “He offered me stars, I accept.” No change. I was okay.
I grabbed a bottle of Febreze my friend had left, and sprayed it thoroughly throughout my room and some in the hallway.
The white knight of smoking for twenty minutes put on a highwayman’s cloak and hat, then sank back into the white armor.
It changed nothing. I still felt like crap.
But you know what?
I’m glad I did it.
It's a late night, when it shouldn't be. I have a final tomorrow, but I'm pretty sure I'm gunna pass it. US history has been an absolute breeze for me pretty much.

Anyways, I'm sitting here in my computer chair, listening to a rather lengthy play list and I've been thinking a lot recently of just how Lucky I really am I guess.

I know one of you will never read this, and I'm happy for that, but I wanna say thanks to my two best friends in the whole widest of the world, David and Mary.
You guys...I appreciate and respect and love you so much. I sincerely cannot imagine my life without you two. I don't know if ya'll know it or not, but you guys are what give me strength to live. To go out and meet new people, to walk through a darkened room to get to the light switch. Ya'll (with the inclusion of Cassandra) inspire me to be brave.

The world is our's while we're together!

Ya'll may not know it, but I miss you when you're not around. Could the night after you guys go home and I wish you were back.
I hope we're friends forever, guys. I'd be lost without you.

David, Read more...Collapse )

Thanks for sticking with me. Through my confusion, my idiocy, Risa, my fears, my hard-headedness, my pervertedness, my impulsiveness and my eccentricity.
I owe you guys so much more then my life. It's a debt I can only hope to repay by being as good of a friend as you all are to me.

Thanks, guys. I love you two.

Team ZOMG Forever!

12th Jan, 2008

So, I haven't posted in a while but I decided to go ahead and get it done today.
Several things are going on right now. Soon, Finals will start. I've recently become an aunt again, thanks to my big brother Josh and his wife, Claudia, and the best news of all--
I Have a new girlfriend!
Her name is Cassandra, though she normally goes by a variety of nicknames. We've had crushes on each other for almost two years now, but neither did anything about it since we were with other people. Well, that's all changed!
Maybe it's just two years of pent up frustration, but I really do love her. I think she's the best thing that's ever happened to me, really. She...inspires me to be a better person. I have a sudden urge to loose weight, to start days off right, to make sure and brush my teeth at least twice a day, shower everyday instead of once every other day.
Plus she always finds ways to make me feel special. Always.
But I think the best thing she ever said, that just made me feel like a million bucks was, "I'd never want to go through the pain of pregnancy, unless of course I did that weird female-only conception thing."*
She was referring to this recent study that basically means that certain parts of bone marrow can be turned into primitive sperm cells. Well, of course scientists are trying to figure out if this can mean that pregnancy can occur without a man.
So, being curious and needing a slight ego-boost, I asked her who's bone marrow-sperm would she take.
"Your's of course. We'd have awesome kids, with you and your Producer-Director mind and my costume designer and make-up artist mind?"*
And then later on the conversation, I heard her say... "Plus you're really smart."*
Plus you're really smart
I've never heard those words outside of my parents and family, but they're supposed to say it you know? It's never really meant anything until those words came out of her mouth. Plus the fact that she'd only go through the pains of pregnancy if it was my DNA as the fathers? I don't think anything has ever made me smile more.
Everyday I talk to her I feel a little more like she's just perfect for me.
I think this relationship will go far. I hope it does. She liberates me, makes me feel like I can do anything. And she's drop dead gorgeous to top it all off.
Gah, I love you, babe <3

*Words are not exact quotes, we were talking via interweb-phones, and my memory isn't good enough to remember EXACT words >>;
But be assured they were something very similar.

11th Dec, 2007

6th Dec, 2007

I've been having a lot of trouble sleeping as of late. Not sure why, but even though I'm tired and I lay in bed and sometimes I even do really fall asleep, its never restful.
Sometimes I have bad dreams and wake up in a cold sweat, but I never remember these dreams unfortinately. Though part of me thinks that may be a good thing.
My computer's gone whack for some reason. We think it's the power supply, tonight I'm on my brother's laptop. Kind of him to let me use it, though I think it may have possibly been out of pity. I hope I don't look that bad/obvious though.
Mary and I just recently finished watching 'Hot Fuzz'. Deffinately a movie worth watching, those of you who haven't seen it. Good, dry British humour at it's best, I should say.

Anyways, on the fifteenth, I'll be headed to a party for all those who worked at the Kettle Corn booth, plus friends and family. Should be fun.

I'm starting to worry about my grades again though. I don't feel that I'm doing that well, worse off I don't feel the need to do that well. Sad in a annoying sort of way. And I know there's always the fact that everything matters now, and that apparently the whole world depends on my grades from now on, but... I still don't full the urge, the pull. I want to get out of high school, sure, I want to start my life of course, but who's to say that my life hasn't already started? I have a resume twice as big as some of the teachers at my school, there's always the attraction of going for a GED, and then there's always the option of the Navy. I mean, they pay fully for my college if I join. And I've always considered a career choice...No more pretend being a sailor either at the Ren. Faire. I'd be a real one. Sailing the ramblin' seas, living the damn tough life and making it through. ...
But now I'm just ranting and ramblin'.
Anyways, AWE came out on DVD peeps. Go check out the bloopers. Fucking hilarious!


3rd Dec, 2007

So, my first post on my new LJ.
Might as well start the genericies* now! Woooo!

Today was fairly eventful. I work for my mother's company, titled KDDM Inc., or Kaufman Development Design and Marketing Inc.
I'm a PA of it, or a 'Production Assistant'.
This weekend we were doing an audition in Austin, TX for Que Dice La Gente, which is basically the Spanish version of Family Feud.
The cool part was that it was in a place called Austin Park and Pizza, which turned out to be pretty cool. My brother, Erik, his friend, my friend (David) and myself ended up Go-Cart Racing and Jerry and I had a mini-WWII sort of thing with bumper-squirtie boat thingies. I was Germany and quickly conquered France (David), and Jerry (brother's friend) was England and tried to get America (Erik) to assist him.
Eventually David and Erik gave us the proverbial bird and got out. So Jerry and I continued to blast each other silly with water until we looked like Chihuahua's in a Canadian winter storm. Good times.

Otherwise, I'm home now with David behind me, laying on the bed with my cat, Luma.
All in all, as far as working-sundays go, this one was pretty good. Anyways, I have school tomorrow and it's 2:30.

Snootch to the nootch!

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